btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
