Just took my morning after pill in the library
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
