then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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