We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
