I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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