hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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