Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
