p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
