Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
