I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
