1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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