My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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