Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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