I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
