Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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