dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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