Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
