great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
