she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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