My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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