Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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