I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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