I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize