I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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