Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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