if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
