I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...