I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"