"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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