remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
