the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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