A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
