She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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