Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
