And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
