I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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