I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
