I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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