I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
