so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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