When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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