i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
