You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
