I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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