u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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