Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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