is wine microwaveable?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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