Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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