First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize