The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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