My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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