First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
