i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
