Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
