the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
