Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
