Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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