a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
