A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
