where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
