as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
