Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
