I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
