Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize