if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
