I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
