My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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