so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
