just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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