Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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