Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
