my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
