She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
