I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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